Immortality Has Rules
by Life's-Black-Rose-Petal-Gilly
Summary: AU/ Percy - Perseus now - is now up in the big leagues. And there are some guidelines that come along with that...


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**Immortality Has Rules  
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Immortality is… Well it's a lot of things:_

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Rule Two: Always know what your in charge of

Perseus, he hardly ever went by Percy anymore – it was a god thing - was now **the god of wordplay**, or as Hermes had once told him, **the god of arguments**. _("But, trust me, wordplay sounds much better.") __

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_Apollo was a lot less helpful.

___("Well, technically it could be seen as being god of all arguments, but specifically, you're patron to the losing side or at least according to Zeus. And Hades. And Athena. And Ares. But it's much better then the other thing you are now a known patron of." "And what's that?" "Oh, I'll let you in on it eventually. You still need to be educated a bit more." "Oh really?" "Most defiantly. So, tonight – around, oh I don't know, ten-ish - show up at Hermes place.")_

He would regret going that night._

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_But, back to his original point.

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Rule Five: Stop Caring

Being a god actually felt good. At first he had been as nervous as hell, but soon that godly way of just not caring had sunk in and it had all become good again. He had still had the 'caring' part of him when he had that fateful conversation with Apollo. The care left him sometime the next morning.

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Rule Seventeen: No fraternizing with the children. you can visit, but no playing hardworking dad

For awhile, he had seriously tried to stick with Annabeth. She was his forever after all. It was sometime after the child had come into play that he knew he just couldn't keep doing it. It was like something was hardwired into a god's brain: when children came to stay, you got away. He could only hope she understood as well. His mother had for Poseidon._

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Rule Thirty-Six: Keep track of time, it may just get away from you

Time also had this funny way flowing. Sometimes Perseus could swear a single day was an entire month, but others, years had gone by in seconds. ___("Christmas is tomorrow." Hermes said nonchalantly. "Really?" Perseus froze, thinking hard. Hadn't it just gotten past Easter? "Yeah, worst day of the year for the mailmen." The older god continued. "Because my job is just so thrilling during the holidays." He shot back, moving again. Absolutly nothing to worry about. He should be much more concerned about possibly running into Thanatos again over a Christmas dinner heart attack.)

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Rule Seventy-Eight: Incest is a must

And finally, but most importantly, once you became a god, all that crap about siblings and cousins went straight out the window. That was the most important thing Apollo had taught him. In fact the only thing Apollo had told that was actually worth remembering: If he couldn't have sex with his cousins, who also happened to be half-brothers themselves, well then he was never going to make it._

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_And Apollo invited Perseus to his and Hermes's meetings at least once every two months. Although, apparently, Apollo switched sex toys every few decades. Currently it was Hermes, and occasionally Perseus himself. Though, Perseus had sex with everybody, so Hermes wasn't really concerned about the former demigod and Apollo becoming anything mildly important._

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_When Hermes said Perseus had sex with everybody, he meant everybody.

Ares was amusing. ___("You are the single most worthless god on the planet." "Well if you don't want to sleep with me then..." "Get your ass back over here.")_ Athena was awkward and boring._("This isn't sex." Perseus told her. "Sure it is." Athena assured him. "No, this is a thought process." He groaned loudly. She was secretly trying to kill him, he knew it. "And isn't it fun?" She said brightly. "Not really." He sulked.) _And even though he was secretly convinced that this was all still apart of Aphrodite's big 'mess with his love life' plan, Perseus liked Triton best. ___("You know dad is convinced you keep showing up to visit him, don't you?" Triton shot him a knowing smile. "Well, lets just let him keep thinking that.") _

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Rule One Hundred and Ninety-Three: Play nice with the other gods and goddesses

And Apollo was such a jack ass. Hermes was okay, Hades tended to start gossiping about the mortals and then halfway through start ranting about what they should do with their lives instead - ___("I mean, he's going to run himself into a hole! You don't just interrupt a young girl on her big night like that! I would send Kanye to Tartus for just _thinking_ about being such a douche!" Hades seethed, his words making less and less sense. "You know it really doesn't matter, right? I mean, we are gods." Perseus rolled his eyes. "Oh, shut up.")_- and Athena was alright when she wasn't belittling him for leaving Annabeth or making him think too hard, but Apollo was just so, aggravating.

The one day when Hermes had mentioned something about Triton to him, Apollo had laughed for hours. _("How do you even know this?" Apollo asked, gasping for air in between laughs. "Oh, you know messenger gods, we all run in the same circle. Me, Iris, Thanatos, Triton..." Hermes replied casually, as if talking about the weather. "Iris is absolutely no fun." Perseus pouted. "You know, maiden goddesses, worst thing to happen since the banning of prostitution." Apollo told him, trying to fight off another wave of giggles. "Not everyone here is pining after their twin sister." Hermes told him, nonchalantly. "Well he's dating his brother!" Apollo defended himself, pointing a finger at Perseus. "Because you're not?" Perseus shot back, cheeks burning red.) _And Perseus would never forget the day Apollo had let slip the other thing he was in charge of. _("You're the God of sluts. Not even prostitutes, although you can represent them too because nobody else wants them." Apollo smirked at him for good measure. "Fuck you." Perseus replied. "Well if you really want me too." The sun god said in a gloating voice. "You are such a bastard." Perseus told him. "Don't I know it." Grins like his should be made illegal.) _Perseus was all in favor of getting Apollo a life.

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Rule Two Hundred and Fourteen: Always do your job, no matter how unpleasant

Being the god of wordplay - _"Arguments!" Apollo chimed _- Perseus got a free pass into Olympian meetings. Where else did some of the world's biggest arguments happen? _("We can not -" "Will not." Hera interrupted her husband for the fifth time in the latest rant. Zeus was on a roll, and to into it to notice. "Will not accept your kingdom being moved to the surface!" Hades looked mutinous. Perseus had watched the previous proceedings with intent. Occasionally he stepped in when the 'wordplay' loser didn't get the point. He blinked sleepily, and glanced around the room, not really wanting to step in yet again. Hermes winked at him from his seat and Apollo shot him a nasty grin. His dad gave him an apologetic smile, as if it was his fault that his brothers were so argumentative. His son didn't blame him for his siblings but he sure as hell blamed him for not bringing Trition. With a sigh, he stood up to stop the ongoing onslaught of insults. "Uncle." Perseus started, approaching the lord of the underworld cautiously. Zeus's face split into an unholy grin and Hades swore. And Perseus really, really hated regenerating.)_

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Rule number 367: Never fight over your love life

A strange thing about living with the gods was that everybody knew everything.

Everybody knew that: Aphrodite and Ares were dating even though she was married. They knew that Zeus was chasing after a variety of men and women even though he was married. They knew Apollo and Hermes were dating even though they were half brothers. So, it was no surprise that everybody knew about Perseus and Triton.

It was the acting oblivious during important meetings part that was tough.

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And some days Perseus couldn't help but wonder if it was all really okay at the end of the day. Was he really happy?

But, that was the final thing see:

Rule One: You acept everything that comes along with immortality

-1a:That includes all of the following rules

-1b:You are under no circumstances to question the other gods about weather it's worth it all, they don't know either


End file.
